Wednesday, August 16, 2006

...............forget not.

Every corner of life is alive. Lively with actions. Everything in nature is responding positively except man. Man conquered by his mind, struggles hard to win the fight against his own mind. In his struggle he is left with little time to live and to appreciate the layers of experience that bypass him.

Today, I sat alone in my office, thinking of many things of the past as well as the present. I wish my past won't leave me as it taught many things of bitter and sweet in nature. The present is left without any choice as my senses survive better 'now than then'. The route I took to reach here was full of thorns and flowers. During the height of depression, the world was against me. Totally against. Everything seemed dead. Except me. I was young and naive then. Karma was not in flow with me. It worked the opposite way. I blamed many. Reasons were completely hidden as to why I must suffer, though I saw suffering all around me most of the time. Lights of hope was partially hidden. Though the rays of brightness occassionally bathed me and in serenity of heavenly bliss it captured me, I had failed to appreciate that beauty, then. Preoccupied selfishly with my own damned suffering, I spent moments shutting from days and a nocturnal animal I became. As what I went through during the tender age shut my emotional and mental strength, night provided a passage to cover those weaknesses such as low self esteem, fear to live etc.

But, the rolling years had something different for me. In time, nothing is permanent but change, and me too not an exception. At different time my temperament changed differently. I tried to understand and recapture the reasons but failure was there waiting for me all the time. Pessimism almost veil me through my years but I managed to crawl out a little. A little out of the unwanted shelter, provided ample of shine for me. Oh.....this is what life all about! Beautiful experiences open the door for further hopes. Only hopes remain to continue the future with faith. Gradual openings of my mind to the world, made me appreciate the daylight ramblings of mankind in their day to day lives. I began to see life from multiple apertures. Everything was just perfect as part of the existence. Only my expectations and anticipation made life a hell for me. Thank god.....the days came finally though a little late. Nevertheless, it injected some hopes for me to continue this life and be where I belong to.

As I venture further into the world, I was made to aware not to thread the razor's edge. As beautiful as it may seem, it can slice you to bleed. So, I was very careful and always secure my actions with firm footing on the better side of life. Wiser I became in my choice. But, not wise enough to face the onslaught of troubles. In the beginning, my self esteem was very much effected. Slowly, strength of soul replaced the timid side of mine. I have not forgotten all that and I will never forget whatever there to come in the future. Life a flow so beautiful with melodious music of bamboo flute, is not just within me but everywhere.

Years have gone by, some dreams fulfilled, some went astray.... so what. I shall continue to dream again but not in hallucination. I firmly rooted myself into a system of belief which suits my temperament and I know I am on the right track. It helps me to develop the Self layer by layer. I understand a lot of things better. Clearer with utmost clarity. Yet am still a human, bound to succumb to many challenges and temptations. Occasionally I allow temptations a little room to roam within the confined thoughts. Challenges I face it calmly, sometimes I react to it like tsunami. What can do I? Only excuse that I have is, am just a human. At least I am aware of that.

As I tread the path chosen, the potholes appeared from nowhere. I fell into some, I leaped over some and some I avoided gently. Potholes are hurdles that make us alert all the time. Being alert is human nature. So be alert all the time. I understood one thing of life, smooth flow is not a dream life. Nothing is straight in nature. And, it will never be. Everything has a flaw if noticed from our perception and comprehension, but existence is perfectly perfect.

Life taught me about itself fantastically but am I ready to face life fantastically? I asked myself. I know not the answer but I am trying my best to pass the test. Karma laid strongly with the mind to find an amicable solution for everything.

Life is a great teacher..............forget not.

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