Am I Diabetic?

Suddenly I felt very uneasy
My body trembled and felt a little warmer
I am losing balance
And was sweating – cold sweat.

Diabetes?
I wondered.

Immediately I went to a clinic
“Doctor, Doctor I am having symptoms of diabetes”
“Could you please check my blood sugar level?”
I began to worry a lot and a lot.

15 minutes later came the doctor
Smiling sweetly and said,” nothing is wrong
You are just fine.”

“aarghh…argh..but, doctor the symptoms?”
The doctor looked at me and smiled once again
“Just listen what I am going to say”, and I began to shiver again
“stop thinking of someone sweet, or else you will have it”

“Huh! How can I doctor
Stop thinking of that sweet lady?”




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The Journey is life...

I am a traveler
Traveling daily from morning to noon to night
Breathing along the cycle of life
That rotates like wheel, to survive.

I travel extensively
Reaching every nooks and corners of life
Walking along with my values
I try hard not to hurt any
The foremost message from a loving dad
Before he leave me forever
To the world, beyond my existence.

Life is not a journey
But the journey itself is life
I learn it the easy and the hard ways
Through tears and smile as well.
Deepest moment of desperate crouching
Tighten my soul to uncertainty
Lugubriously I walk along the alleys of life
To learn and unlearn more things that comes by.

I venture far and deep
To touch the core of pain
And I learn the emotion called ‘frustration’
And I lose the emotion called ‘happiness’.
But, life prove to be an expansion
In love and hope I grew out of the cocoon
And I learn the emotion called ‘happiness’
And I lose the emotion called ‘frustration’.

Strange indeed the play of life
When I fall, it extends the strength
When I stand, it pushes me down
And it shed tears with me when I cry
And it smiles with me when I smile
My life is all in one, I realize,
It is the reflection of my mind.
My travel continues
And I unravel more secrets
Of vain relationships;
Of immaterial acquisitions;
Of strange attachment.

I pray to the power of existence
Allow me to complete this colorful journey
And let me settle within my own self
In bliss unspoken, eternally.

( Felda Lepang Nenering, Pengkalan Hulu, 1986)


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Beauty

Beauty is but skin deep
Without dignity it is mere vanity
That flows to the drain
Gushing out like after rain.

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Where am I heading to?

Trudging along razor’s edge
I walk with a dagger in my hand
To which side the fall may arrive
I am in fear of knowing that truth.

Try hard as it may
I am but a human, not a superman
Let my fall be guided
And let it be within my domain.

Only the wish and the hope
Within my control.

Swinging pendulum, I would say
A mere play of hidden trajectory
Singing the song of love and pain
I am but a mortal swaying man.

Where I am heading still a matter of question
Sometimes it appears to be real and near
Closer I get, the image vanish faster
Casting a veil over my own existence.

(Legend Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. 250808)

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Her smile

Sweet smile scented mild
As she brings together her wild lips.
Like a dart her smile pierces my heart
With all the pleasures I take it back.
Unimaginable the smile she carries
Honeyed with sweet cherries.
I know this lady is here to stay awhile
Occupying my heart and stay still there.
Will she ever care to caress
This forlorn soul waiting in duress?

I do not know much about this feeling of mine
Ubiquitous, everything seems to be
Strolling my mind day and night
This smile infuriate the passion in me.


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Her eyes II

Her eyes, a mysterious veil
At each glance she casts upon me
I see diamond-flash is no comparison
to the sparkles from her eyes.
This inscrutable attachment of attraction
Lingers strong, and clear in my mind
Particularly that of her eyes that speaks
The unknown language of soul captivating expression

Of splendor I know not
And I stand, enthralled to the stare I care much.


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Her eyes...

Her eyes glows
sparing no space too close
my vision melts into her gaze
as she looks at me to say some words.
my heart pounds in graceful pattern
carrying her vision down deep into the cavern
unforgettable indeed that day that passed by
too fast unto eternity everything flows sweetly,

like a blooming rose
she stares at me above the nose.

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?

Its drought now
And the pool is dry
I feel like want to cry
But it’s very dry

Within.

?

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Everything begins here

Everything begins here
From where we stand
The entire playground
Is here and now.
It rotates non-stop
Releasing thoughts after thoughts
Desires after desires
Shutting the clear mind
With murky desires.
We fail many times though
Yet we keep moving with hope
That yet to come
Is the success that quietens
The mind for a fraction of time.
It’s a journey within
Beyond the reach of concrete walls
That confines a so-called god
Far from the reach
Of the soul.

Everything begins here
From where we stand.


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Pains and pleasures

The pains of life
Scattered thorns on plain meadow
Hidden between the soft grasses.
The pleasures of life
Spread across the meadow
Blanketing the thorns,
The grasses!

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Painting

Life is a painting
Hanging at the edge of our wants
A little smudge here and there
Is not enough to look and stare.

A different tonal key
With colors splashed across
Will speak the language of life
Together with a little shade and light.

Life is but a painting
Defined by various layers of colors
Thick and thin spread builds the scene
Seen by the naked eyes, in awe.

In crimson, deep blue and green
Red, yellow and black
Our desires mingle all along
And we become an artist unknowingly.

Radical colors strikingly stalks
As our perception slowly talks
Of the beauty of this painting called life
Before scrapping one color to be replaced by another.

Life is a painting
Painted by each one us
Which we like we hang on our walls
That we hate we bury within the soul.

Cluttering scenes that appears seductively
From far may look pretty enchanting
But closer one gets, the impression may die fast
For attraction towards closeness kills the seduction.

Some scenes are meant to be loved and liked
Some bleak scenes we cover with eyes closed
The truth shall remain one and only

And shall I ask
Is it the painting or the painter,
That carries both the blame and praise?

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Cycle of life

Remnants of memory
A legacy of yore
Beyond the firmament
Humanity trails the cosmic dust.

And the cycle of life
Starts, again and again
Until the dust settles
Eternity shall remain.

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The woman in white

She goes well in white
Though I wonder why it must be so
I do not bother to know
For I could see, she dazzles in white.

She speaks softly and sweetly
Gentle expression, I could see in her
The woman in white, she dazzles bright
I am struck not once, but thrice.

She penetrates my eyes with all the beauty
I stood aghast at her angelic countenance
As she floats across the floor
Reaching me with her sweet demeanor.

She is the woman in white
I wish I had know her way back in the past
Alas! What a cruel play nature placed me in
Everything happens only at later stage.

I am smitten
As she smiles
In her own inimitable way.

The woman in white
I will never forget that sight.


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Defilement

The soul dries up
Humanity defiles itself
I wonder if the seamless soul
Too will be defiled by man
While the body he retains
Clean and pure.

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Desires

The river flows smoothly
together with it, it takes
my melting desires into the winter
to freeze it icy cold
before summer liquefies my desires,
to flow once again, as
the river flow smoothly.

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The ultimate fight…

The moment has arrived
I am here at the crossroads
Uncertain of my direction
I am lost in the middle of confusion.
It is painful, I fear the conflict
Has started once again
But, have I got any option?
No, I don’t have any.
I have to stride across the tides
But I fear the current is too powerful
My strength was lost years ago
In tears and mire of delusion, it was gone.
I wish I can fight and stand the onslaught
Of my emotion, that pricks my soul
I do not understand anything now
Except that, I have to continue my fight for good.

The daunting tasks I know lies ahead
If I lose this battle now in the present
I could foresee the future beyond the zenith
Which overshadows the happy realms of life.
Life provides shade and food
But along with it gives pain and pleasure
Of which I have been balancing in pain more often
Than the pleasure which is but a minute interval.
I hope I do not break the soul apart
And, ruin the vessel that carries me within
Life, I don’t understand anymore
One thing I am certain, I am slipping gradually.

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Friendship

The quaint look of the rose
Pinches my heart beyond the gross
I lay still baring my soul to eternity
A beginning of a new fraternity.

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Woman, I know.

The sky deep and blue
A tulip from bud peeping at you
Your are pretty, and caring too
With dignity, I raise my mind for you.

The gentle walk your feet take
Leave no prints on the surface
But the grass, I know, murmurs happily
She is here, once again soothing us with love
They say.

Your smile carries a million colors
Yet the one I see is only that I like
In that smile, a beacon I see burning bright
An enchanting smile for an evening’s delight.

You are pretty, not just physical
But within you the conscience speaks wonder
A majestic throne you keep in golden hues
With humanity, love and shining values.

You are no ordinary, though a luscious beauty
You mark the borders well from the scent that preys
Man and beast you know how to handle
Lusty looks and nasty taste, you fence well.

A woman of substance, your brilliance
Speaks in tonnes of humble words
Harshness is a thing strange for you
Your royal mind you carry always with you.

You, an adorable one
From far and near
The untamed and tamed
Bow in respect at every stride you take.

You, the great
Pierced my heart
With graceful dart
in pain I am wriggling, dead
but pleasurable indeed, the start.

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The night of the fight

The brooding stillness of twilight
Hurry me into the stillness of the night
Could it be an end of a fight?
Or is it merely another common sight?
The menacing fear that pains the heart
Leaves me with many options to start
So, hurry me not too fast unto the night
B’coz I still have another life full and bright.

Fighting the tides
I wade the life
Ignoring many silly riles
I swim across humanity’s wiles.
Trudging along the thin line of fate
A belief that satisfies, but fake
I hurdled humbly across every take
And, land anew with a fresher breath.

Though its now twilight heading towards the night
I believe I am the catalyst
to set dominant blues of sky,
And cool mauves to overwhelm my life
without a sigh,
Manoeuvring skilfully
amidst rough-hewn stony life.

The brooding stillness of twilight
Hurry me into the stillness of the night,
I am the composer with utmost might
I know my life is nothing but my own fight,
And I shall wall up against it
all throughout the night.

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