Tuesday, August 15, 2006

the past......

The night was as mysterious as ever. I was deep into reverie. My future was apparently bleak, a total eclipse. I spent hours sitting on the huge rock beside the thick forest, not minding the sounds from the wilderness. Deeply engrossed in my thoughts, which at times filled with chaotic experiences. I was 20 then. Just completed my high school. Not ready to face the world yet, I isolated myself from my own shadow. That was the 'me' that went through some processes unknown to many.

I hid myself in the darkness just to get away from the tormenting thoughts. Yet, the thoughts never leave alone, and into the depth of darkness I was pushed. A question I posed to the magnificent designer of this universe, why? Why me? Why must I go through all these agonies? In utter silent HE answered me silently.

I roamed the hills of Pengkalan Hulu, in the dimly lit moonlight looking for answers to clear my conscience. In the face of fear, a tiger I fear not but I feared my own thoughts, the rebellious ones that could put an end to many things in life.... Patiently I walked the bare earth, singing the divine glory in my mind, hoping for a solution. But, I was impatient and persistently asking HIM the ruler for many things in life. The darkness imposed in the night, superimposed twice in my life. Sympathy? Empathy? I didnt know which to crave for.

Yet, everyday when everyone in my family silence themselves into slumber, I would march out for a brief negotiation with mother nature. She would kindly accommodate me in her bosom, soothing me with her lullabies and everyday I would return without a scar within and without. As the time ticks away the seconds into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, days into months and months into years, a little wise thoughts flourished within.

Many things were solved amicably despite unnecessary worries that bugged me for years. Things changed for better and I too changed for good. My moments in the dark nights with mother nature, was surely the best ever in my life. She listened to my every heartbeat. I know that. And, I am here today, after 21 years, breathing in peace, because of Her.

1 comment:

  1. Mother nature does the same to me!
    Whenever I am upset I run to the seashore. Being stuck in concrete jungle, it is tough to be there regularly but I still remember a very wonderful experience with mother nature when I had gone to Matheran with my dad n mom.
    U can read it on my blog ~

    Silent moments with dad